


The Silence Before Red

by ExistentialDean1978



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Unstable Ushijima Wakatoshi, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Internal Conflict, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25278307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialDean1978/pseuds/ExistentialDean1978
Summary: Silence surrounded Ushijima Wakatoshi up until his first year at Shiratorizawa when Tendou Satori forced his way into his life. The new addition delivered promises of friendship, laughter, and emotions Wakatoshi had never experienced before.(Or the fic about an emotionally constipated Ushijima Wakatoshi who doesn't know how to handle his feelings.)
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 149





	The Silence Before Red

_Tendou Satori._

The name that was so bluntly introduced his first year at Shiratorizawa had once held the promise of friendship three years ago. The redheaded first year was the only classmate brave enough to sit at his lunch table and force a conversation with a rather unsocial Ushijima Wakatoshi. Ushijima's answers had been short and honest, an attempt to get the 'awkward phase' (that's what Tendou had called it) of his new company over with so they could eat in peace. Despite Ushijima's past troubles of maintaining friends, Tendou was unrelenting, breaking the silence that Ushijima had managed to surround himself with. The lunch table had grown full after only a few weeks of Tendou's company and their new friends made permanent spots at the table. Conversations with the volleyball team started getting easier to listen to and feel a part of. Tendou brought together Shiratorizawa's first years and created a bond that seemed unbreakable. 

_Tendou Satori.  
_  
Red hair was never meant to catch his attention the way it had. Tendou's lips were not supposed to fill his dreams and it was almost hell the next day if they did make an appearance. Ushijima was quite distant when it came to many things and love was far too complex to even consider given his upbringing. All he knew was volleyball, studying, keeping routines, and growing stronger with each new day. His mother was adamant about Ushijima's studies and he had never been so focused on something outside of his control like he was with Tendou.   
  
Ushijima had learned the word crush his first year at Shiratorizawa. The feelings involved with the term had once been unknown to the olive-eyed teenager. It was no surprise to anyone on the team that his following question was centered around how to identify those feelings.  
  
Oh, how he wished he'd never asked so many questions back then. How he wished the silence of his world hadn't changed.  
  
The feelings that were once defined to the very confused Ushijima years ago had been growing steadily since the first time the color red became a part of his life.

Red hair that always looked soft no matter how much gel was used for it to spike up. Red eyes that could read every thought from Ushijima as if the boy said them out loud. The color red always managed to get a reaction from Ushijima. The beating of his heart would increase significantly and his thoughts circled his best friend. The color red pulled the warm feeling that rested deep in his stomach to the center of his throat almost every time, leaving him struggling to breathe. Speaking out seemed to be harder around red and it often led Ushijima's controlled answers to more sporadic ones.   
  
  


Semi's confused glance from his right was enough to make Ushijima understand it was yet another question that he'd answered strangely. It took him a moment of recalling the topic of the conversation before he thought back to what he'd said out loud, slowing his walking pace to understand the reason for the look.

 ** _"- so they don't have feelings! I watched a documentary about the mysteries of the ocean and jellyfish don't have a nervous system. So, that makes them work on instinct rather than feeling," Semi argued._**  
  
**_"But you could argue that they have enough memory with them to remember certain things. They have a short memory, but it would be enough that they remember the feeling of something. So, I would argue that jellyfish have feelings, just limited and ones that will soon go away," Tendou insisted. "What about you? Thoughts? Opinions?"_**  
  
No matter what happened between an argument, Wakatoshi was always involved in sharing. Tendou made it clear that every situation called for a middleman. Ushijima had always been the middleman between all of Tendou's disagreements with their teammates. So, what had he said to get the reaction from Semi?  
  
_**"Everyone is capable of feeling."**_

The answer had been too simple and was not the typical answer he would've given if the flash of red to his left wasn't there. It didn't give Ushijima room to argue with why he thought jellyfish must have felt emotion and he could understand Semi's confused glance. Ushijima wasn't sure how to finish up his answer so he let the perplexed glance from Semi go overlooked and focused on his dorm room coming up on the left. It was unspoken if Tendou would follow, but Ushijima was quite sure he'd have the teen in his room before the night was over with regardless.

  
The silence that followed his answer was something Tendou always called 'taking UshiWaka in'. It seemed silence following Ushijima was something that had happened before he met Tendou, but the same silence had been working its way back into finishing his conversations for him recently. Silence that used to be calming to Ushijima began making him quite timid now.   
  
Without another word he stepped towards his door, bringing his keys from his pocket before opening it moments later. He left it ajar as he put his bag on his bed, shoes by his closet as his practice clothing was dumped into the laundry basket he had on the other side of the room. After folding up his practice bag and turning to the door he spotted no other company had followed inside. Ushijima swallowed the disappointment that came when he didn't spot Tendou, moving to shut the door before turning towards his hardly decorated room. Silence. 

  
Ushijima worked on a set schedule for much of his teammate's assumptions. Despite it being Friday, Ushijima would climb into his bed at nine pm and would wake on the next day to run at five am. The teen would have breakfast alone at eight am and would follow his day catching up with homework, only to leave his room for lunch and dinner. Ushijima knew he was predictable when it came to where he'd be and what he'd be doing unless Tendou managed to get him out. He had always followed his schedule, so why it took longer getting to bed that night was new. Sleep wouldn't come as easily as it did the night before despite closing his eyes for the past hour.   
  
Dark olive eyes opened to look towards the clock, unsure of why his body was working against him that night. The red glow from the time made his lips form a frown, eyes back to the ceiling for the tenth time that night it seemed. Tendou hadn't stopped in that night. It was so unlike Tendou to skip bothering Ushijima, especially on Friday when everyone else took off for home and they were always alone. Ushijima hardly made the trip home unless he needed to, just as Tendou didn't bother going. He had never asked why Tendou stayed at the dorms, but Ushijima wasn't the person to stick his nose where it didn't belong either.   
  
Without another thought the ace sat up, feeling wide awake regardless of what he wanted at such a late hour. He grabbed his phone from the nearby table, scrolling through some messages that had been sent from the group when he laid down for bed. Ushijima read the question that he would've preferably answered that next morning given his schedule and formed a response, sending it only after rereading. It felt like only a second later that his phone went off, Tendou's separate message popping up in his inbox. 

_**Inbox (1 new)** **10:13 pm**_  
  
**Satori** _:_ Y are u awake?

 **Wakatoshi** : I can't sleep.

  
  
It had been seven minutes since his message sent and Ushijima felt numb, still cradling the phone in his larger hand as he thought of Tendou. Ushijima had always held his feelings well enough that others felt he didn't have them, or that he lacked the normalcy of adolescence. It wasn't often that Ushijima understood things that went on around him if it didn't involve the things he'd grown up knowing or learning. Ushijima's responses were sometimes expected and other times the teen would let himself get carried away into talking and surprised everyone thanks to Tendou's interrogations. The silence he experienced after both had finally managed to get to him after his last conversation with Tendou. It was in the natural silence of his room that Ushijima broke. The silence of his life and his emotions had finally caught up to him.   
  
The sound of his phone crashing to the floor underneath him was noisy enough to cover the first sob from Ushijima. The second and third cry for help had been loud enough that Ushijima was pulled back into the sounds of his weeping. Tears fell down his cheeks without a known reason and Ushijima felt it was the first time he'd ever felt silence was better than anything he felt now. His shoulders started to crumble under the stress, his once-powerful hands shaking with how scared he felt. Crying was unknown territory to Ushijima unless it was other teammates. Even then it was something he was not able to understand. Now, for sobs and tears to leave his body, it only caused what could be described as panic.  
  
Breathing became painful, hiccuping in the darkness around him as the collar of his shirt grew wet. For someone who was uniformly soundless when alone, the sounds echoing in his room left him feeling alienated from himself.   
  
Ushijima's body felt heavy with exhaustion after another minute of endless tears, the trail of wetness on his cheeks not willing to slow despite the tired sobs his body struggled to deliver. The silence had enveloped him all too quickly again and he felt powerless.  
  
For the first time in Ushijima's life, he felt his body move without routine.   
  
  
  
The tears on his cheeks had yet been wiped from his last outburst, his eyes squinted to the brightness around him outside. Yet, Ushijima was thankful for the light that could lead him. Shoes had remained forgotten as his door shut behind him, keys stuffed in his ball shorts he'd dressed in for bed. The walk to Tendou's room was only a few rooms down and his feet guided him there without allowing time to back out.  
  
What did he need? Where would he go if Tendou turned down his company? The questions started merging and he could only push them away when he spotted the number on the door.   
  
5\.   
  
Light from under the door confirmed Tendou was awake inside, growing anxious as he shifted from his right leg to his left. Ushijima's left arm moved up before he could back out of his decision, knocking on the door before he remembered his face was a mess. It was a last-minute attempt of wiping his face off before the door he'd knocked on had opened and his eyes met red.  
  
Red hair dried and laid down on Tendou's forehead instead of spiked with gel. Red eyes showed confusion for several seconds after they met his own before slipping to a more worried expression. The voice ushering him inside was fading as he was pulled inside of his best friends room. The walls were decorated in posters, photos lining the desk along with some textbooks. It's in the comfort of Tendou's space that he felt his eyes grow tired, legs unsteady with exhaustion as they fought to support his weight to the nearby bed.  
  
With help from Tendou, he made it to the bed. Lips moved far too fast for him to read, hearing nothing but soft ringing in his ears as his eyes began to flutter shut. It wasn't until Tendou's hands left his body that he felt himself reach out and grab Tendou's wrist, olive-colored eyes opening as much as he could force them to. The look he wore held enough behind it to help the boy understand and he managed to persuade Tendou to follow his tug close. Ushijima let his face tuck into Tendou's neck, feeling his body shake with defeat.  
  
He was meant to be strong.  
  
He had _always_ been strong.  
  
Tears started down his cheeks when long fingers pushed back his hair for comfort as he felt his body give in to the touch. The shake of his shoulders left after his tears stopped spilling, eyes held tight as his ears found their way to Tendou's soft humming. The noise was enough to leave him limp in the others hold; Ushijima's face starting to relax from its hard hold. The soft noise was plenty enough to lull Ushijima to sleep, finally eased in the arms of Tendou Satori.   
  


* * *

Sun beamed down on Ushijima's back, heat surrounding the whole of his body. It was hot along his back, but the warmth in front of him was something entirely different. The softness of warmth he leaned into forced him to burrow deeper into the soft touch, earning a movement from the body he forced himself closer to. It was only then that Ushijima felt the memories flooding back into him, sitting up far too quickly for someone who felt as rough as he did. A pain shot through his temples, scrunching his nose in discomfort. His eyes, cheeks, shoulders, legs, everything felt sore. He was forced to lay back against the wall, now sitting up enough for his eyes to find the person responsible for the warmth.  
  
The sight of Tendou made his chest tighten, Ushijima's hand moving out to hold over his heart as the initial shock left. He was entirely surprised Tendou wasn't waking to how forcefully he sat up, or with how fast his heart pounded and threatened to leave his chest. It wasn't until he looked down at his friend again that he noticed the reason. Red rimmed the other's eyes, almost like the nights he stayed up far too late to be well-rested for practice. Ushijima would often scold him for getting into yet another anime, but this was different. The face he wore explained a different story. How long did Tendou wait for him to wake up?   
  
He shifted again to lower himself back to the bed, his hand moving out without warning to cup Tendou's cheek. The touch was meant to be soothing, but the moment his hand landed caused the teenager to stir and red eyes opened up to meet his own again. The teen sat up effortlessly, almost as if he hadn't been asleep only second ago.   
  
"Wakatoshi," Tendou spoke as his hands left the pillow they'd been holding tight. Slender and soft fingers slipped into the larger, calloused palms that belonged to his best friend effortlessly. The worried expression seemed worse than the one he remembered from the night before, his eyes begging Ushijima to explain himself.   
  
"Satori," Ushijima found himself attempting, voice hoarse from the night before. It hurt, wincing with the pain that followed before he could feel shuffling to his right and the slip of warmth from his hand.  
  
Tendou was already on his toes, shuffling to the side of his room to come back with a cold bottle of water. The drink was handed to him with care, Ushijima offering him a thin smile for thanks as he tipped his head back and downed the drink easily.   
  
Tendou wasted no time in moving back to his feet only to be caught by a hand, just as he was the night before. He'd wanted to get help so desperately at the sight of his ace, so broken and hurt. He'd never seen another person so low and Tendou had worried himself the entire night. The hand reaching for his own was needing help and of all people, Ushijima wanted him there. It made him feel that he could truly help.   
  
"Thank you for the drink," Ushijima managed, letting his hand fall as his eyes met Tendou's red ones. "I-I'm sorry for the interruption last night," he apologized, wanting to be certain that Tendou knew he appreciated the help. It meant everything to the still disoriented teen.   
  
"It's okay," Tendou interjected far too quickly, not wanting his friend to feel he was a bother. Ushijima would never be a bother. The teen let his eyes rest on green ones, the olive color quite dark in comparison to others he'd seen. He'd always been so caught up on Ushijima that the smallest things of his features seemed to catch him at times he was least expecting them to. "Do you want to talk?" He asked, his hand reaching out for the larger males hand. It was comforting when the hold was returned, eyes falling to their hands as he held in his shaky breath. The night before was something he never wanted to see again, but if it meant being the only one to comfort Ushijima then he'd do it for the rest of his life.   
  
"Yes and no," Ushijima muttered truthfully, unable to stop his eyes as they trailed over pale skin. Tendou was the only friend he looked at so differently, taking in everything that etched his face with his response. He wanted to spot the boy's reaction, but Tendou was just as Ushijima had been, controlling of his expressions even if the truth was hurtful.   
  
"Well.. what do you want to talk about then?" Tendou followed up with, voice hinting a soft tease at the answer. He understood though. Somehow, he always understood Ushijima.   
  
"... Is that your natural hair color?" Ushijima decided, his expression serious as he eyed the others flat hair. Tendou would have laughed if the expression Ushijima wore wasn't so serious. "It is," Satori offered as he leaned his head forward and tipped it back, forcing the red locks to slick back instead. His eyes glanced up to find Ushijima's eyes on his own, his heart speeding enough that he could hear it in his ears.   
  
".. I like it," Ushijima replied and looked away to allow his cheeks to heat up with the honesty. A soft laugh from Tendou managed to get his attention quickly, spotting the boys red cheeks and a full grin. Tendou had always been unbelievably beautiful.   
  
"Thank you, Wakatoshi. But when did you become such a sweet talker?" Tendou managed to tease despite the shade of red deepening on the tips of his ears. It was too much coming from someone who stayed so quiet. Ushijima seemed different somehow and the memory of the night before rushed through his thoughts. "What happened?" He asked, voice sincere as he intertwined his fingers with Ushijimas. They had been far too close since their first year, but Tendou always pushed it aside. Having a crush on your friend was natural, rather a boy or a girl. His crush on Ushijima was one-sided and he'd deal with it as he'd always dealt with it.   
  
The question from Tendou made his smile flatter slightly, eyes observing his friends face enough that he could recall every blemish with memory alone. Ushijima's mouth opened, failing to produce sound again as it shut.  
  
What happened to make him break?  
  
"You didn't come over yesterday," he pointed out before opening his mouth again to continue. "I tried to fall asleep, but my alarm clock is red," he spoke as if it was obvious before his eyes met Tendou's. "And then I-I found myself crying. And I never cry," he admitted and cleared his throat. Something started to tug at his chest, a strong enough pull that made his eyes water. "I-I don't know why I started to cry, but I did. And it was.. so quiet in my room," he offered as an explanation before feeling a warm tear streak his cheek. If he'd not already cried the night before he would've wiped it, but he knew more would follow soon. "And I thought about you not coming over. I thought I'd done something wrong and then it hit me all at once, Satori," he whispered, his head lowered instead as he tried to hide his tears. It was pointless. It took a minute before he could gather his courage to continue. "I'm only nervous around you. You make me feel things that I've never felt before and without you, my world is silent. Without you, my life is a routine," he exclaimed before his shoulders fell.   
  
Ushijima expected two things to come from his confession.  
  
~~1\. Tendou doesn't return his feelings and he's an outcast (once again)~~  
  
~~2\. Tendou doesn't return his feelings and they could go back to being fine after Ushijima promises to drop his crush~~  
  
What was not expected from either choice was Tendou's hand lifting his chin so effortlessly to make his olive eyes stare into red ones. The same red that took his breath away with a simple smile. The same red that forced his spikes during games to increase due to pure enjoyment of playing, nothing more. The same red that forced his heart to beat so fast he was sure it would show somewhere on his chest, almost like in cartoons from years ago.   
  
3\. Tendou returns his feelings   
  
What Ushijima never expected was watching red lean in and block every other color around him out of view or for his lips to be kissed so sweetly by Tendou Satori.   
  
Ushijima felt hands cup his face, forcing his head to tilt before he could finally realize what was happening and react. Olive eyes had never closed so fast in his life as he leaned in, returning the kiss far more eagerly than he ever expected his first kiss to go. Ushijima's hands found their confidence as they wrapped around Tendou's smaller frame, fingers dragging along skin before he pulled Tendou closer to his lap. Ushijima was the first to pull back, his eyes remaining closed as he tried forcing his breathing to calm. It was only when he opened his eyes that he realized a few things.   
  
The red that was wrapped around him was his favorite shade of red. The silence that fell between them was something entirely different than the silence that followed him as a lonely first-year. And that the clock in Tendou's room was just like his own. The numbers were red, reading that it was seven am; two hours past his normal routine. 


End file.
